So. I'm at the Shell station, putting gas in the car.
I walk out of the store, having pre-paid for my gasoline. As I walk to the
car, I see a man walking toward another man who is putting gasoline into
a very nice, late model SUV. The first guy asks the man pumping gas if
it would be possible to borrow a dollar or even 50 or 75 cents. He says he
lives in O'Fallon, and is just trying to get enough gas to get home.
So...the guy pumping the gas has a couple of choices here. He can: a: help
the guy out...give him a buck...something; b. tell him no; c. turn into a total
raging dick about the whole thing. Anybody wanna guess what Mr. SUV
decided to do?
He starts shouting that "I have my own problems, you don't even *know* the
things I've facing now..I have to fix MY problems, you fix yours." He adds
a few more choice comments.
As the "walking guy" goes past me, I reach into my wallet and take out the
$3 that I have in cash and give it to him.
SUV guy gets in his car, starts to drive past me, and says, out his window,
"I don't have to help him, I have my own problems." To which I reply,
"You're right, you're not obliged to help. But that doesn't mean you get
to be a DICK about it. That was uncalled for."
So...life in the 21st century, right? Except...except....as he drives past, I look up...
AND THERE IS A FUCKING JESUS FISH ON THE BACK OF HIS SUV!!!!!
How DARE you, sir!? How DARE you put that symbol of Christianity on
your car, if you're going to go stomping through your world, being a clear
and present example of just exactly how Un-Christ-Like the followers of
Jesus can be? How DARE you give us a reputation like that?
I SOOOOOOO wanted to chase after this guy and rip that fish off of his car.
It's Sunday. I have to wonder...did this man go to church this morning?
And, if he did, how did he hear NOTHING of what was said there?
Mood: STEAMING
Thursday, May 3, 2018
Friday, February 3, 2017
Regarding THIS
Do I understand? Yes. I do. It's HARD to come in, day after day, and see the scrolling horror show that much of Facebook has become. And I do miss the pics of the kids and the jokes. It would be MUCH nicer, much more uplifting, if our world, at this point, were a place where levity and fun seemed appropriate.
At present, it does not.
Anyone who believes that our world has not gone mad is either not paying attention, or is deliberately choosing to ignore the facts.
So. In answer to the above.
"If you can't be nice, be quiet." No. I will do neither of those things. I cannot be "nice." NICE was sitting here, or being in f2f conversations with people, and hearing them discuss decades of smears, half-truths, and outright lies that were told about Hillary, and NOT saying something, because "they won't listen," "they're my friends," and "why start an argument?". NICE is what got us here. And I certainly won't be quiet (you're shocked, I know.)
"No politics" Anyone who does not realize how far past "politics" this has gone, is, again, deliberately choosing to ignore facts. POLITICS is discussing the best way to bring down the national debt. It is NOT putting a Nazi on the National Security Council.
"Stop name calling" I'm assuming this is referring to "racist, misogynist, xenophobe," and all the other epithets that are so appropriate to the current President? And, by extension to all the people who supported him? Those who did won't believe this, but I am sorry they feel "tarred" with those names, just because of who they voted for. But, when you support someone who IS all of those things, even if what you wanted had nothing to do with all of that, you have given your tacit approval to the whole package. Ya makes your choices, ya lives with the results.
"Quit Your Psycho Babble" And, again. I'm making an assumption. I have seen a lot of speculation about the mental health of the current President. Answer me honestly: If the man at the helm is "not quite right," is that OKAY?
"Post only helpful things" I'm okay with this one! I will continue to post the phone numbers of our Congressmen, so we can call and tell them not to HELP the Captain steer the ship into the iceberg. I will continue to post links of the things that are happening quietly, while we obsess about crowd sizes and the VP's treatment at the hands of a bunch of actors. I will continue to check in, and let you know that I'm attending a march/rally. Because in February of 2017, THAT IS what is helpful.
"Family time" and "Show cute pictures of your kids and families" These are also good! I saw a LOT of families at the march on the 21st of January. It is a wonderful idea to bring our children along, so they can see "What Democracy looks like"! I saw a LOT of really cute pictures of Moms and their daughters in pink hats that day. Love both of these ideas. Thanks!
"Don't Judge". This one is a joke, right? I mean, this is the posters attempt at irony? Don't judge, coming from the "you made a decision to have sex, Mexicans are rapists, refugees are terrorists, black people have nothing to lose, Michelle Obama is a transsexual," people? Haha! Good one. Yeah. I'm laughing.
"Don't cuss on my wall" Okay. Fair. YOUR wall, your rules. I, however, will use any fucking language that seems appropriate. And cussing seems all too appropriate, these days.
"Give me a reason to smile" I promise, when the world stops providing me with so many reasons to cry, I'll find a way to make you smile. 'k?
"Be kind" I am, in fact, trying to do exactly that. I am trying to be kind enough to allow the baby with the heart condition entry into the States, so she won't die. I'm trying to be kind enough to allow the Iraqis who have been our translators, our drivers, our guides the ability to seek asylum, now that being in their OWN country is a death sentence. I am trying to be kind enough to allow people to live with, and build a home and family with the person they choose.
You're sorry that Facebook isn't fun?
I'm sorry that our country has become a place where fun seems irrelevant.
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
Children, and the raising thereof
Over the past few weeks, I've had nearly a dozen people remark on my "children," (they really don't qualify as children anymore...not at the ages of 20 and 24) and ask...."What did you do?"
I've been thinking about that. And the quick answer is, "I didn't do anything." More accurately, it should read "I didn't do anything, WE did." The kids, and I, did a lot of growing up together. Which leads to the question of how did you do that? So..here they are. Michelle's suggestions for being a parent.
1. Negotiate. Talk. LISTEN. Talk some more. Find common ground. I remember a LOT of "I need this thing. You need and/or want this other thing. How do we BOTH get at least some of what we want?" For example. I need to go to the grocery store and be able to shop, without chasing you or dealing with tantrums or the like. YOU need to go to the park, and swing on the swings (or, go to the McDonalds "Play Place" and roll around in the ball room). So. We go to the grocery store, we deal with that issue. We go home and put the cold things away. Then, we go where YOU want to go...IF you have behaved well and haven't made me regret my life choices. The catch to this negotiation is that you can never-never-ever go back on one of these. If you promise the park, you GO to the park.
2. See eye to eye. I am not speaking metaphorically, here. I mean, get down on the floor, or on the couch with them, and look each other in the eyes, on the same level.
3. ASK them to do things. Yes, you're the parent. You can give orders. But...if you ASK, they come to learn that the way to deal with people (including you, their siblings, and all the other humans they may come in contact with) is to ASK. And YOU might learn that there is a reason they don't want to do a specific thing. ("Yes, Mom, I will take out the trash. But I'm at the end of writing a 3-page paper, and if I break NOW, to take out the trash, I'll loose my train of thought, and it will cost me a half an hour." Okay. That's fair.)
4. You are limited to less than a handful of "Because I said so" during the entire course of their LIVES. Trotting out your position of authority as parent as justification is lame. And doesn't answer the question. And, most importantly, doesn't give the child the chance to see your viewpoint and agree with you. "Because I said so," closes the conversation. And it deprives both you and the child of the chance to learn something.
5. Realize that there are some things that are important to you, that are simply NOT going to be important to them. I like tidy. I like "a place for everything and everything in its place." To my kids....meh...not so much. There are neatness people, and there are non-neatness people. All the screaming fights in the world aren't going to change that. If the kids are doing their homework, staying out of trouble, talking to you, telling you where they are, and not causing you to pace the floor at night, wondering if they're okay, count your blessings and pick the wet towel up off the floor.
6. Say please. Say thank you. If they have to be polite, so do you.
7. If you have a "Little Mr/Ms Independent," who wants to pick out the outfit of the day, or try a wild hair color, or something of the like, ask yourself, "Is this issue really worth having a fight over?" No, of course, they can't wear their favorite t-shirt and shorts when it's snowing. But, if your son wants to see what wearing nail polish is like, and he is willing to put up with the remarks from kids at school, hey...they're his fingernails. It comes down to "pick your battles." Some battles are worth fighting. Some simply are NOT.
8. Watch their TV shows WITH them. No. You don't have to watch every episode. I'm not saying you have to be glued to every episode of Yu-Gi-Oh (or whatever the current incarnation of THE kids' show is, this year). I'm saying, you should know enough about it to be able to understand what they're talking about, when they want to tell you ALL ABOUT what happened on their favorite show, today. That child is sharing something with you. Be informed enough that you'll be able to enjoy it.
9. Let them watch your shows with you, if they want to. My kids watched South Park. (I will pause, for the accumulated gasping to subside.) Yes. I know. But, I made the decision that I would rather have them watch it with me, while I'm there to answer questions, than have them watch it at a friends house, and get all kinds of inaccurate explanations (or worse, make a lot of unfounded assumptions).
10. Nunya is an acceptable answer, if used sparingly. As in, "That's nunya business." Here's the catch. If YOU can use nunya, so can they (within certain safety limits, of course).
11. Make the kid understand this: Anyone who picks on you, had better give their soul to God. (This is the reason that the entire administration of the middle school cringed, whenever they saw me coming.) The reverse of that is, once I've defended you, protected you, gone to the wall for you, when we get home, you're gonna have to deal with me. Try to make sure I don't have any reason to turn my righteous wrath on you.
12. No one is perfect. I certainly am not. I will cheerfully say, "I don't know," or "I made a mistake, and I'm sorry." I don't expect you to be perfect. I do expect you to try. I do expect you to admit when you've made a mistake, and to own up to it (and no, blaming someone else is not acceptable). And I do expect you to say you're sorry and try to make amends when you've done something wrong. But, making mistakes is human, and natural, and good for your development. I promise I will still love you, when all the smoke has cleared.
13. "Other peoples' actions do not justify your own." Trust me, my kids got VERY tired of hearing me say that. We had lot of conversations that went something like this: "I don't care if your brother didn't take out the trash last night. Tonight is your night. Take out the trash. I will deal with your brother. That's my job. Taking out the trash tonight is YOUR job."
14. MOST important. Contact. Hugs. Snuggles. Building a blanket fort, or a camp out on the living room floor where we all watch TV too late, and crash out in a heap. More hugs. Look directly into their eyes and say, "I love you." "I'm proud of you." "You mean the world to me." Your job, as a parent, is to make absolutely certain that your child will NEVER have to wonder if anyone ever loved him/her.
I've been thinking about that. And the quick answer is, "I didn't do anything." More accurately, it should read "I didn't do anything, WE did." The kids, and I, did a lot of growing up together. Which leads to the question of how did you do that? So..here they are. Michelle's suggestions for being a parent.
1. Negotiate. Talk. LISTEN. Talk some more. Find common ground. I remember a LOT of "I need this thing. You need and/or want this other thing. How do we BOTH get at least some of what we want?" For example. I need to go to the grocery store and be able to shop, without chasing you or dealing with tantrums or the like. YOU need to go to the park, and swing on the swings (or, go to the McDonalds "Play Place" and roll around in the ball room). So. We go to the grocery store, we deal with that issue. We go home and put the cold things away. Then, we go where YOU want to go...IF you have behaved well and haven't made me regret my life choices. The catch to this negotiation is that you can never-never-ever go back on one of these. If you promise the park, you GO to the park.
2. See eye to eye. I am not speaking metaphorically, here. I mean, get down on the floor, or on the couch with them, and look each other in the eyes, on the same level.
3. ASK them to do things. Yes, you're the parent. You can give orders. But...if you ASK, they come to learn that the way to deal with people (including you, their siblings, and all the other humans they may come in contact with) is to ASK. And YOU might learn that there is a reason they don't want to do a specific thing. ("Yes, Mom, I will take out the trash. But I'm at the end of writing a 3-page paper, and if I break NOW, to take out the trash, I'll loose my train of thought, and it will cost me a half an hour." Okay. That's fair.)
4. You are limited to less than a handful of "Because I said so" during the entire course of their LIVES. Trotting out your position of authority as parent as justification is lame. And doesn't answer the question. And, most importantly, doesn't give the child the chance to see your viewpoint and agree with you. "Because I said so," closes the conversation. And it deprives both you and the child of the chance to learn something.
5. Realize that there are some things that are important to you, that are simply NOT going to be important to them. I like tidy. I like "a place for everything and everything in its place." To my kids....meh...not so much. There are neatness people, and there are non-neatness people. All the screaming fights in the world aren't going to change that. If the kids are doing their homework, staying out of trouble, talking to you, telling you where they are, and not causing you to pace the floor at night, wondering if they're okay, count your blessings and pick the wet towel up off the floor.
6. Say please. Say thank you. If they have to be polite, so do you.
7. If you have a "Little Mr/Ms Independent," who wants to pick out the outfit of the day, or try a wild hair color, or something of the like, ask yourself, "Is this issue really worth having a fight over?" No, of course, they can't wear their favorite t-shirt and shorts when it's snowing. But, if your son wants to see what wearing nail polish is like, and he is willing to put up with the remarks from kids at school, hey...they're his fingernails. It comes down to "pick your battles." Some battles are worth fighting. Some simply are NOT.
8. Watch their TV shows WITH them. No. You don't have to watch every episode. I'm not saying you have to be glued to every episode of Yu-Gi-Oh (or whatever the current incarnation of THE kids' show is, this year). I'm saying, you should know enough about it to be able to understand what they're talking about, when they want to tell you ALL ABOUT what happened on their favorite show, today. That child is sharing something with you. Be informed enough that you'll be able to enjoy it.
9. Let them watch your shows with you, if they want to. My kids watched South Park. (I will pause, for the accumulated gasping to subside.) Yes. I know. But, I made the decision that I would rather have them watch it with me, while I'm there to answer questions, than have them watch it at a friends house, and get all kinds of inaccurate explanations (or worse, make a lot of unfounded assumptions).
10. Nunya is an acceptable answer, if used sparingly. As in, "That's nunya business." Here's the catch. If YOU can use nunya, so can they (within certain safety limits, of course).
11. Make the kid understand this: Anyone who picks on you, had better give their soul to God. (This is the reason that the entire administration of the middle school cringed, whenever they saw me coming.) The reverse of that is, once I've defended you, protected you, gone to the wall for you, when we get home, you're gonna have to deal with me. Try to make sure I don't have any reason to turn my righteous wrath on you.
12. No one is perfect. I certainly am not. I will cheerfully say, "I don't know," or "I made a mistake, and I'm sorry." I don't expect you to be perfect. I do expect you to try. I do expect you to admit when you've made a mistake, and to own up to it (and no, blaming someone else is not acceptable). And I do expect you to say you're sorry and try to make amends when you've done something wrong. But, making mistakes is human, and natural, and good for your development. I promise I will still love you, when all the smoke has cleared.
13. "Other peoples' actions do not justify your own." Trust me, my kids got VERY tired of hearing me say that. We had lot of conversations that went something like this: "I don't care if your brother didn't take out the trash last night. Tonight is your night. Take out the trash. I will deal with your brother. That's my job. Taking out the trash tonight is YOUR job."
14. MOST important. Contact. Hugs. Snuggles. Building a blanket fort, or a camp out on the living room floor where we all watch TV too late, and crash out in a heap. More hugs. Look directly into their eyes and say, "I love you." "I'm proud of you." "You mean the world to me." Your job, as a parent, is to make absolutely certain that your child will NEVER have to wonder if anyone ever loved him/her.
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Broken glass and legos
Not a very promising title, I agree. But, that's the way things have seemed, for the last year. I feel as though my world is an exercise in walking on broken glass and legos....which would be a lot easier, if I had shoes.
I can't even BRING myself to talk about "job stuff." I'm still at St. Matt's, I'm still filled with a sense of peace and "rightness" whenever I walk into that building. But that haven, that refuge, is going away, likely some time this year. I will be completely stunned if Grace does NOT, indeed, decide to let St. Matthews merge with them. And, once that happens, my guaranteed 20 hours of peacefulness will be as locked away as the building on Bennett Avenue. Then what?
The family? Well...for the past year, I have never, in my life, felt so superfluous. So unnecessary. Since the "kids" have all become friends (and praise GOD that they got past the years of hating each other!), the guys talk to Katie. Questions that I once answered, advice that I once gave, inside jokes that I once shared, are no longer my place. There's a part of me that feels as though that should be a good thing. That they're growing...moving on...but I didn't realize they were going to put my in storage quite THIS early in my life.
John?? No. This one is depressing enough.
I'd love to end this on a more positive note, but I really can't think of anything positive to end with!
I can't even BRING myself to talk about "job stuff." I'm still at St. Matt's, I'm still filled with a sense of peace and "rightness" whenever I walk into that building. But that haven, that refuge, is going away, likely some time this year. I will be completely stunned if Grace does NOT, indeed, decide to let St. Matthews merge with them. And, once that happens, my guaranteed 20 hours of peacefulness will be as locked away as the building on Bennett Avenue. Then what?
The family? Well...for the past year, I have never, in my life, felt so superfluous. So unnecessary. Since the "kids" have all become friends (and praise GOD that they got past the years of hating each other!), the guys talk to Katie. Questions that I once answered, advice that I once gave, inside jokes that I once shared, are no longer my place. There's a part of me that feels as though that should be a good thing. That they're growing...moving on...but I didn't realize they were going to put my in storage quite THIS early in my life.
John?? No. This one is depressing enough.
I'd love to end this on a more positive note, but I really can't think of anything positive to end with!
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Just because I make it LOOK easy....doesn't mean it IS easy
This has been the morning for "Well...if you had just kept letting ME do it, you wouldn't have this problem, would you?"
How ego-centric that sounds, I'm well aware. It's not. It's a reflection of HARD WORK. Of long hours. Of all-nighters. Of getting up and getting back to work when everyone else is still asleep. Of hard-won knowledge of how to get and keep things organized and running smoothly. Anyone who does what I do, knows that part of the "glamour" is making it look as though nothing had to be done. They also know what complete BS that appearance is.
My daughter (bless her heart) could tell you...she has spent more than a few nights, working on some major something-or-other with me, until I looked at her and said, "Oh, honey...go to bed! You look dead on your feet." She could also tell you that she went to bed, I kept going.
And, just in case you're thinking I have to drag my ego around in a wheel barrow, let me reassure you. There are MANY things I am NOT good at. Most math, beyond basic bookkeeping is a foreign language to me. I have IT friends. They start "speaking geek" and my eyes glaze over. The list goes on.
But the things I AM good at? I am VERY good at. And, if you want my skill, you have to have ME. (or one of my similarly-gifted compatriots). Just because it LOOKS easy when *I* do it, doesn't mean it will be easy for you.
How ego-centric that sounds, I'm well aware. It's not. It's a reflection of HARD WORK. Of long hours. Of all-nighters. Of getting up and getting back to work when everyone else is still asleep. Of hard-won knowledge of how to get and keep things organized and running smoothly. Anyone who does what I do, knows that part of the "glamour" is making it look as though nothing had to be done. They also know what complete BS that appearance is.
My daughter (bless her heart) could tell you...she has spent more than a few nights, working on some major something-or-other with me, until I looked at her and said, "Oh, honey...go to bed! You look dead on your feet." She could also tell you that she went to bed, I kept going.
And, just in case you're thinking I have to drag my ego around in a wheel barrow, let me reassure you. There are MANY things I am NOT good at. Most math, beyond basic bookkeeping is a foreign language to me. I have IT friends. They start "speaking geek" and my eyes glaze over. The list goes on.
But the things I AM good at? I am VERY good at. And, if you want my skill, you have to have ME. (or one of my similarly-gifted compatriots). Just because it LOOKS easy when *I* do it, doesn't mean it will be easy for you.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Gotta keep that resolution.
One of my resolutions for the New Year was to stop ignorning this blog. Um...okay. Except it's the 29th of January, and I haven't written anything yet. Well, at least, I'll get *something* in before the end of January.
So...what to report.....
Chieftans. Very high on the prioriy list. Several of the recipes have been taste-tested. Unless my testers are being overly-polite, I seem to be getting a lot of positive reactions. It's also helpful, because doing a test batch gives me a SOLID call on how much food, exactly, I need for each dish. Good in both making the right portions, AND keeping the cost down.
As for "out there in the real world..." That's a bit more complicated.
Every time I walk into my office at St. Matt's, a feeling of the "rightness" of it descends upon me. It doesn't seem to matter what is happening in the rest of my life, being there, at that church, is peaceful, calming. I belong there. The question is, is it St. Matt's....? Or is it the *capacity* of St. Matt's, that brings about the feeling of peace and correctness? Is it THAT church, or THE church, that makes me feel as though I am at home? So, at the risk of being called "cheesy"...this is a call to prayer, for me. A demand from myself, to myself, to discern if there is a "higher call" in my life.
....frankly.....if there is, ....it would have been nicer for it to have happened a LITTLE earlier in my life. Am I not just a LITTLE "mature" to be starting something like this?
So...what to report.....
Chieftans. Very high on the prioriy list. Several of the recipes have been taste-tested. Unless my testers are being overly-polite, I seem to be getting a lot of positive reactions. It's also helpful, because doing a test batch gives me a SOLID call on how much food, exactly, I need for each dish. Good in both making the right portions, AND keeping the cost down.
As for "out there in the real world..." That's a bit more complicated.
Every time I walk into my office at St. Matt's, a feeling of the "rightness" of it descends upon me. It doesn't seem to matter what is happening in the rest of my life, being there, at that church, is peaceful, calming. I belong there. The question is, is it St. Matt's....? Or is it the *capacity* of St. Matt's, that brings about the feeling of peace and correctness? Is it THAT church, or THE church, that makes me feel as though I am at home? So, at the risk of being called "cheesy"...this is a call to prayer, for me. A demand from myself, to myself, to discern if there is a "higher call" in my life.
....frankly.....if there is, ....it would have been nicer for it to have happened a LITTLE earlier in my life. Am I not just a LITTLE "mature" to be starting something like this?
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Michelle in Wonderland
Still feeling warm and fuzzy from the Naughti Gras, I'm working on what my submissions will be for the "Alice" show at Koken. I had thought of a piece of jewelry/pin/corsage based on the talking flowers. I want to do the Mad Hatter's hat,....that is really a purse. And, one of my FB friends suggested a clock, with characters instead of numbers. LOVE that idea....But, I also was considering a pouch with all the facets of the Queen of Hearts' costume....and I can only enter three. So, okay. The clock, for sure. *Probably* the Mad Hatter's purse. :D But...oh...jewelry or pouch??? Decisions...decisions....It all depends on whether or not I want to "go with what I know" or stretch myself. The flowers would require the use of a raised stitch, incorporating wired stitches, to get the petals to stand up. Not impossible, but not something I've done before. The pouch would be EASY. So,...puss out and go with the easy....or put demands on my skills.
Anyway. The clock. The Queen will be the centerpiece (since she carries a scepter, that can be the minute hand). Alice at 12:00, since that's the top of the clock. At the 1:00 position, the King, since he's the one and only king; 2:00 position, Tweedledum/Tweedledee; at 3:00, the gardeners; at 9:00, the Cheshire Cat (9 lives, you know); at 10:00, the Mad Hatter, since he has a 10 on his hat. What to do for the rest....?
I'll probably use the oysters for 8, and put in 8 oysters. That leaves 4:00, 5:00, 6:00, 7:00, and 11:00.
Anyway. The clock. The Queen will be the centerpiece (since she carries a scepter, that can be the minute hand). Alice at 12:00, since that's the top of the clock. At the 1:00 position, the King, since he's the one and only king; 2:00 position, Tweedledum/Tweedledee; at 3:00, the gardeners; at 9:00, the Cheshire Cat (9 lives, you know); at 10:00, the Mad Hatter, since he has a 10 on his hat. What to do for the rest....?
I'll probably use the oysters for 8, and put in 8 oysters. That leaves 4:00, 5:00, 6:00, 7:00, and 11:00.
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